thank you for the numbered days
by SHSL Slacker
Summary: "I was hired to ruin your day." "You're doing a real good job of it just by existing." Never Princess/Agaphie, Professional Day-Ruiner AU.


**I am sinking deeper and deeper into this hole...**

* * *

"I was hired to ruin your day."

Agatha certainly wasn't expecting those words.

* * *

The first time they met was when Agatha had to go outside for the first time in a ridiculously long time to find out where Reaper had gone. Usually, Callis went out herself, but she was feeling a little under the weather and had decided to send her vitamin-C-deprived daughter.

It was probably a good thing they lived in a graveyard, where the trees curled over them to form a permanent shade. Any brighter and one would think the family (along with the cat) would burst into flames.

So Agatha slinked outside, big brown eyes scouring the area for the familiar black cat. Just as she thought she had spotted Reaper, a flash of pink and yellow ran right in front of her, making the raven-haired girl stumble and fall face-first on dried grass. Spewing out a choice word, Agatha pushed herself back up and looked around with a particularly nasty scowl, her hands clenching into fists as if ready to clobber the person who made her a fool of herself.

It surely didn't take very long to find that person, since she stood out greatly from all the dark and dead things lying around the graveyard. She was dressed in a poofy pink dress that made her look like she belonged in a fairy tale, and had a wave of blonde hair cascading down her back. She gave Agatha a smile so bright the raven-haired girl had to back away a bit.

"So you're Agatha." It wasn't a question. "This place is _horrid_, though. Really, you ought to take better care of your surroundings. Global warming and all! Look, you even got my dress dirty." A quick glance at her pink clothes showed little to no signs of any dirt or smudge. "So, I'm Sophie. Wonderful to meet you."

"Why are you here?" Agatha snapped. She didn't exactly trip and fall in her own house often, and this girl complained about getting her clothes dirty right in front of someone who had fallen on grass, mud, and who knows what else… the corner of her lip curled downwards at the spatter of brown on her black dress. At least it wasn't too obvious.

"I was hired to ruin your day," Sophie sang.

Without skipping a beat, Agatha replied, "You're doing a real good job of it just by being here."

The blonde held a hand to her chest as if hurt. Agatha could clearly see she was amused, however, by the little grin on her porcelain face. "Aww! You wound me, Agatha."

Agatha shook her head, not bothering to give the blonde a reply, and turned back to see where Reaper had skittered off to. The black cat seemed to have ran away in the commotion, and so she resumed her task of searching for her pet. Sophie hovered beside her, like some sort of annoying fairy who served little purpose except to irritate her. "What are you looking for?"

"None of your business," Agatha grunted.

"I've never seen a 'none of your business' before. Is that a rare breed?" Sophie cocked her head, an infuriating smile on her face. "Oh, you must be looking for a pet of yours. May it happen to be this mongrel?" From out of nowhere, Sophie dangled a black cat by the tail, the cat hissing and trying to scratch the blonde in vain.

Agatha gasped. "Where'd you – give him back!" She lunged for Reaper, but Sophie simply sidestepped her and swung the cat from side to side like a pendulum. Reaper meowed, clawing at the air. "Would you _stop_ that!" Another lunge proved to be unsuccessful, as Agatha toppled over Sophie's outstretched leg and was sent sprawling on the grass for the second time that hour.

Sophie clicked her tongue. "Shouldn't be so mean to others. I'm starting to see why you don't have any friends. Though… I think it's mostly because you live in such a frightening place." Sophie gave a cursory glance at the area, ignoring Agatha's grumbling and the terrifying glare she gave the blonde. "Like I said, you absolutely _must_ clean this place up. I'll even help you! I wouldn't be able to stand staying in this place for an hour for two weeks…"

'_An hour every day. An hour of annoyance._' Agatha resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands and instead opted to kick Sophie's leg in frustration. The blonde daintily stepped out of the way, Reaper escaping her grip and dropping to the ground, scampering over to Agatha and hiding in her arms.

"Who hired you anyway?" Agatha asked, placing Reaper in front of her house as the cat slept away. "Was it… what was his name… Radley or some sort? That good-for-nothing Tedros? … Hort?"

"Don't have the authority to tell," Sophie said, sounding almost bored as she eyed her nails carefully. "After all, I'll be gone in two weeks and you can erase me from your life then. No use to give you a name you won't remember, right?"

Agatha rolled her eyes. "Are you trying to make me guilty?"

"I might be."

"You give me a name, I'll hire _you_ to ruin _their_ day."

Now it was Sophie's turn to give the raven-haired girl an eye-roll. "You don't have money, do you?"

"No, but here's something you'd like." Agatha grabbed something out of her dress pocket and threw it at Sophie's face. She then put her weight on one leg, crossed her arms, and allowed a lazy smirk to drift on her face as she waited.

The blonde's face scrunched up in confusion as she grabbed the thing off her face and looked at it carefully. "What's–"

She let out an unholy scream, flung the dead frog back at Agatha (who caught it with experience), and ran out of the graveyard, still screaming loud enough to wake the dead.

And so that was how Agatha met her first professional day-ruiner.

* * *

"You're actually serious about this day-ruining business of yours?" Agatha grumbled, peering out the window. She didn't dare come out, in case Sophie's smile somehow brought back the sun through the shade.

"Of course I am. Didn't believe me, did you?"

"Like I'd believe a word that comes out of that mouth of yours…" Agatha scowled. "Just sit outside and do nothing. Just you being here makes me sick." She winced. "And has anyone ever told you that lavender smells _horrible?_"

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Sophie gasped, sounding aghast. "How _rude!_ I'm starting to see why he hired me now!"

"I knew it was a boy," Agatha muttered. "Disgusting beings, I swear. I bet it was Tedros, wasn't it? Stupid, waste of oxygen…"

"You have no right to talk about T-Tedros like that!" Sophie declared, straightening and jabbing her finger at the girl. Agatha raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. The window pane prevented the blonde from really doing much damage to her, whether she could fight or not. "He's _wonderful_. He's everything a girl could ask for!"

"So you're saying if I act like a pile of Reaper's refuse, girls will flock to me?" Agatha continued on, not letting Sophie interject. "You know, I just realized. Tedros and Reaper's poop resemble each other so much they might as well be twin brothers. They both smell… they're both disgusting… and they're both _unwanted_." She finished her little speech with a glare so hateful she might as well have burned a hole in the glass in front of her. "Now that I think about it, you could be Tedros' sister as well. You smell, you're disgusting, and you're unwanted. Now you're all one big happy family."

When she finally looked up, Agatha's eyes widened. The blonde looked genuinely shocked and hurt, her emerald green eyes looking like they were on the verge of tears. In an instant, Agatha's features softened, and she stood up from her chair to try to console the girl. She even cracked open the window a little. "Hey… I, uh–"

"You'd be a better day-ruiner than me," Sophie breathed, then turned and ran off, disappearing into the grove of trees nearby.

The second day ended on a rather depressing note as Agatha sat back down on her chair, her conscience throbbing guiltily.

* * *

While Sophie didn't show up in person for the next three days, she did still ruin Agatha's day quite well.

On the third day, a basket of cookies was outside Agatha's door. Since the note said they were buttered, the raven-haired girl decided to at least try one, if for the sake of the blonde who might be watching her right now. If she didn't eat it, Sophie would probably get even more hurt. Trying not to think about what might be inside the cookie, Agatha munched on it.

She promptly spat it back out and flung the basket towards Callis.

On the fourth day, Reaper went missing. Agatha had the sinking suspicion it had something to do with Sophie, for when she found him outside, he reeked of lavender perfume and had the largest, frilliest, and puffiest pink cat-dress she had ever seen on. Agatha hooted at his appearance, but getting him _out_ of the ridiculously tight dress made her laughs stop short.

On the fifth day, she was reading a book when a rock smashed right through the window and made a nice hole on the wall. There was a note taped on it that said 'I'll be coming back tomorrow. You better have an apology ready.' At the bottom of the note was a lipstick stain, and before Agatha knew it, her hands were covered with pink glitter and stank of lavender once again.

Needless to say, she was _not_ looking forward to the sixth day.

* * *

Sophie came back as promised, make-up perfect as ever and looking like she hadn't just given Agatha a reason to hate hammers for the rest of her life. "So? Where's your apology?"

"You made me choke on horrible food, Reaper _still_ stinks of lavender, I can't get this stupid glitter off my hands, and you expect me to give you an _apology?_ How hard and how many times were you dropped on the head as a kid, honestly?"

The blonde turned her nose up haughtily, arms crossed. "I'm _waiting_."

Agatha grumbled something out.

"What's that? I don't think I heard you."

"I _said_, I'm _sorry_," Agatha growled, refusing to meet Sophie's eyes. "I still don't see what I have to be sorry for, though. I'm doing you a favor by exposing you to the unfairness of this world as early as now."

"Favor or not, that was still very rude," Sophie sniffed. "As punishment, I'll make you clean this place up."

"It's a graveyard." Agatha gave her a flat stare. "Why would I need to _clean_ it?"

"Be_cause_, maybe this graveyard represents you!" Sophie declared. Agatha goggled at her like she was a lunatic. "Since it's all messy and dirty, _you're_ acting all emo and antisocial. But if you clean it up, then you'll feel happier! Then maybe you can actually _smile!_"

"I do smile."

"No, those are smirks."

"Aren't they the same? Don't smirks belong to the smile category?"

"They make you look evil."

"Then maybe I am."

Sophie narrowed her eyes. "Just clean the graveyard. Then I'll let you off."

"I'll pay you to leave me alone."

"The last time you 'paid' me, you threw a _dead frog_ in my face."

"And I'm going to do it again if you don't leave."

Sophie sighed. This was a tough day. "I'll make you more cookies!"

"Your food is horrible," Agatha growled through gritted teeth, the unwanted memory of the (unbuttered) cookies rising from the back of her head.

The blonde pouted. Agatha drew back from the window pane, face flushed – it was just the light, she told herself. The light just made Sophie look pretty. _Momentarily_ pretty. Agatha just barely caught what the blonde said next, "My daddy loves my cooking, mind you!"

"I pity your dad," the raven-haired girl scoffed, trying to regain her composure. Sophie easily noted the contrast of red against Agatha's normally pale skin, however, and raised an eyebrow.

"Blushing?"

"_No!_"

"Aww, so cute," Sophie said, giggling. Then, without another word, she forced the window pane upwards and dragged Agatha out from it. The raven-haired girl screeched and flailed about uselessly, causing her to crash on the ground for the third time that week. "Now go clean this graveyard up. You, being the only inhabitant, should be responsible for it."

"What the hell was that for!" Agatha spat, wiping off a smudge of dirt on her cheek with the back of her hand. "You could have – I don't know, _asked!_"

"You'd say no."

"Exactly!"

Somehow, Agatha managed to clean about half of the graveyard before collapsing in a dead heap amongst the dead leaves. The sixth day ended with Sophie dragging the raven-haired girl back to bed.

* * *

"You got me sick," Agatha grumbled, voice muffled by her blankets. Callis hadn't objected to Sophie bouncing in the house, so the blonde naturally found her way into Agatha's bedroom. "Now I have a fever and it's all _your_ fault."

"Oh, come off it," Sophie said nonchalantly, waving a hand in the air. "All that cleaning and exercise did you some good, at least. You didn't think I noticed your waist getting bigger from all that sitting you do?"

Agatha's face flushed red – at least, redder than it already was from the fever. "Excuse me?!"

"Not excused."

"Come on – !"

"_An_yway," Sophie huffed, bringing out a bowl of soup from who-knows-where. "Your mom told me to give this to you, but I can see you're not going to be able to drink this by yourself."

"What? Of course I can! Give that here." The raven-haired girl sat up with great difficulty and reached out for the soup, but Sophie simply held it further. Agatha let out a choice word and struggled to grab hold of the bowl, but she was no match for the healthier blonde. "You're wonderful at your job, that's for sure."

"Thank you." She smiled. Agatha shielded her eyes from the brightness. "Now, 'ah'!" She held out a spoonful of soup towards the girl.

"You really expect me to drink that?"

"Of course! It is me, after all." She flipped her hair dramatically, though how she did that while holding both the bowl of soup and the spoon was a mystery. "Anyway, you need to drink this or it'll get cold. Come on! 'Ah'!"

Day seven – halfway there, Agatha told herself – had the raven-haired girl coughing and choking more than twice from Sophie's probably-intentional jabbing of the spoon.

* * *

Day eight and day nine were spent near the same way – as Agatha was still down with a fever, Sophie couldn't do much else to ruin her day (in a sense, she already had. She was the reason Agatha had a fever in the first place, after all, through overworking the girl's frail body), so she settled for sitting by the raven-haired girl's side and jabbering on about whatever came to mind. The topic was usually about Tedros, the boys at school, Tedros, Tedros, beautifying herself, how she manages to comb her hair every morning, Tedros, and Tedros.

But on the ninth day, right when Agatha was already preparing a sarcastic remark for Sophie's obsession with Tedros, the blonde had walked in with one of the gloomiest expressions on her face.

"Alright, what's this now?" Agatha asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

"Tedros is with Beatrix," Sophie responded, sounding almost mechanically. She gave a long sigh. "Well, of course he did. Beatrix is like… the queen bee of school." Another sigh, this one a bit shorter. "Speaking of, where do you study anyway, Aggie?"

Agatha's eye twitched at the use of the nickname, but she paid it no mind and said, "Don't try to change the subject. Disappointed that your obsession went out with someone else, huh? I told you that he wasn't worth it." She crossed her arms and turned away as haughtily as she could manage – unlike Sophie, she wasn't really good at this stuff. Plus, she felt almost… relieved? Agatha shook her head – now wasn't the time to feel _relieved_. If anything, Sophie would probably talk about Tedros and Beatrix twice as much now, though more on about killing them slowly and painfully than anything else.

"Aww, you're so cute," Sophie giggled. Agatha felt her entire face heat up until the tips of her ears. "You're trying to comfort me! It's not really working, but thanks for the help, Aggie! I mean, who needs princes in our fairy tale, anyway?"

"O-O-_Our_ fairy tale?" Agatha stammered. "And what do you mean by _that?_"

"Huh? Well, aren't we best friends?"

"I thought you were my day-ruiner. I thought I was supposed to hate you?" '_That wasn't supposed to be a question…_'

"Well, you're my best friend, but you don't have to call me your best friend!" Sophie grinned. "Case closed! Right?"

Day nine ended somewhat anticlimactically.

* * *

On the morning of the tenth day, Agatha checked her temperature and sighed in relief. It had gone down, and she was feeling loads better. Pushing the covers off of her, she stretched and headed for a bath.

What she _wasn't_ expecting was a blonde right there in the shower, humming casually to herself as if she hadn't just broken into someone else's house and was using their shower without their permission.

"_What on Earth are you doing here!_"

"Well, I'm showering, Aggie. What does it look like?"

"_PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!_"

"But, goodness, I'm showering. Who takes a shower with their clothes on?"

Agatha was glad she hadn't looked too long, because she wouldn't have trusted herself if she had. Who knew if she would have been able to tear her eyes away from that smooth, porcelain skin?

Then Sophie stepped out of the shower with nothing but a towel on and Agatha let out a bloodcurdling scream of "CLOTHES!".

Agatha decided she did not like the number ten anymore. At least Sophie left after that.

* * *

"…"

"…"

"… Your visits are getting increasingly bothersome and increasingly early."

"I've been here since sunrise."

Agatha woke up at six in the morning of the eleventh day and before she had opened her eyes, she had been thinking about what she was going to say to Sophie if the blonde idiot decided to take a shower in her bathroom again. Instead, she woke up to the said blonde staring down at her with curious green eyes.

The raven-haired girl flung her off with next to no grace and stalked off, slamming the bathroom door behind her. When she came out, Sophie shoved a cookie down her mouth and once again, the poor girl was at the mercy of Sophie's Horrible Cooking.

"_I_ don't see why you're being so disgruntled about me being in your house," Sophie said as she hopped and skipped along beside Agatha. The blonde had decided to skip school and follow the raven-haired girl around instead. "And besides, we're both girls! It's not like it matters if you see anything, right?"

"It matters for _me_," Agatha mumbled, face flushing red at the mental image of Sophie's bare back, blonde hair sticking to her fair skin. "Why are you even here? You've ruined my morning enough, you can go home now."

"Ah, but I did say I am a professional _day_-ruiner, right? Certainly not _morning_-ruiner." Sophie smiled so sweetly anyone would have mistaken her for a young, innocent child.

Agatha sped up and ran into the gates before Sophie could do anything else. The blonde huffed and walked back home, a smile on her face – and not only because of a job well done.

Day eleven ended with Agatha banging her head on her school table after finding out that she had drawn Sophie's face on all of her notes.

* * *

"It's almost been two weeks!" Sophie sang. "I'll be gone after this, and I'll get my handsome reward as well! Aren't you happy? I'll finally be out of your life!"

"Yeah. Just peachy," Agatha said, face-down on her bed. "Leave earlier, that's alright with me…"

She thought she caught the look of hurt that flashed across Sophie's face, but when she blinked, it was gone as fast as it had come. Instead, a smile had taken over Sophie's features as usual, and she started talking about what had happened at school again.

The blonde suddenly paused in her talking, and looked out the window. Agatha followed her gaze in curiosity.

"I just remembered…"

The raven-haired girl's eyes widened. "Don't you _dare_–"

"You never did finish that cleaning of yours, did you?"

At least this time, Agatha didn't get a fever in fifteen minutes. Sadly for her, it was raining, and so she caught a cold. For some reason, Agatha was not surprised when Sophie spoon-fed her some hot soup yet again.

Day twelve had Agatha sneezing and coughing her lungs out all night.

* * *

"Feeling better?" Sophie asked, traipsing in the room in her sing-song voice. "You should be. I'm here now, Aggie!"

"Keep thinking that." She sneezed once more, intentionally getting snot all over Sophie's pretty pink dress. (It was certainly just the dress that was pretty. Not Sophie.)

The blonde's lip curled downwards, but there was still a familiar glint in her eye. Agatha did not like the look of that. "There are ghosts in your backyard."

"Hooray. Should I care?"

"Yes! Because we're going to be ghost-hunting for an hour!"

"I have a cold. Because of you, may I add."

"So? Never stopped someone from going ghost-hunting in a graveyard before, right?"

Agatha paused. There was that one time she had a cold and went creeping around the area with Reaper in search of spirits, right, but she was nine! She didn't know any better. Plus, she got scared when Reaper's fur stood up and he started hissing at thin air, so she picked him up and run back off in the house. … Wait, how did Sophie even know that?

"Have you been talking with my mom?"

"… No?"

"Totally believe you."

Agatha got up anyway and allowed Sophie to force a butterfly net in her hands. The two then set off into the small graveyard, though their ghost-hunting didn't last very long when Sophie screeched at the sight of multiple decapitated bird bodies all around. Agatha swore she heard Reaper's meow-cackle from inside the house.

Day thirteen ended with Agatha walking Sophie home. "This feels like a date!"

"It's not."

"So says the blusher…"

* * *

The fourteenth day was awkward.

"You're going to be annoying me for the final time, huh?" Agatha mumbled. Sophie nodded mutely, staring at her crossed hands on her lap. She sat like a dainty little lady as always, Agatha noted lazily. Unlike all the other times, the blonde had visited at eleven in the evening, though her make-up and hair was perfect as always.

Agatha knew for a fact that nighttime was the time of the day wherein most people admit more than they usually would in the morning and day. She was beyond caring for that, too, but she knew she'd say something stupid if she talked too much, so she kept her words to a minimum.

"… Tedros."

"Wash your mouth out with soap later."

"It was Tedros."

"Double the usual minutes. Why're you saying his name a bunch of times now?"

Sophie sighed. "He was the one who hired me as your day-ruiner."

"I wonder why I'm not surprised." Agatha rolled her eyes. She was lying on her belly on her bed, dressed in her black nightgown and could already feel the bags under her eyes developing. "And since you were still in your Teddy-phase, I can imagine why you'd accept even if he wouldn't pay you."

"Ah… yeah." The blonde gave a weak laugh. She gave the clock a reluctant glance, before she gave another long sigh and stood up. "Goodbye, Aggie."

The raven-haired girl didn't say anything. Her grip on her pillow tightened.

"Maybe I'll see you again someday."

Her glass slippers clacked on the floorboards. Agatha heaved a sigh almost as deep and as long as Sophie's had been, and stood up from the bed. "Hey!"

The blonde turned around, a defeated expression on her face. "What is it?"

"Something – Something to remember me by. You wouldn't want to forget your b-best friend now, would you?" Agatha grumbled. She neared Sophie hesitantly, suddenly starting to have second thoughts about this. Then she shook her head – '_Oh, who cares anymore! I have to do this or I'll never get it over with!_'

She pressed her lips to Sophie's cheek and breathed, "Thanks for ruining my fourteen days."

Silence. Agatha drew back, brown eyes refusing to face Sophie's emerald ones. A furious blush crept onto her face, though the raven-haired girl couldn't really bring herself to care. Then,

"Haha… idiot. You think that was enough?"

Before she knew it, soft, cool hands were cupping her cheeks and the blonde drew Agatha in for their lips to meet each other in a warm embrace.

The fourteenth day was, by far, Agatha's favorite.

* * *

The graveyard was cleaner than usual when Agatha looked out her window.

* * *

**Based on a tumblr post by something-or-other.**

**I've never seen anyone do this before, so I thought I might as well try it out. Next stop on the AU Bus Tour - whatever I can think of!**

_**Slacker, 8/18/14**_


End file.
